The End Part 2

Why stop doing this blog? I feel constrained by certain things that my lack of anonymity forces on me. I'd rather my blog be more free-wheeling and misanthropic than it is. That's just not possible as things now stand.

I'll be out there somewhere, but you'll have to work really hard to find me. Unless you are really good with computers, in which case you probably won't have much trouble. Luckily, I don't know anybody like that.

I'll end with a picture of the most attractive short woman in Hollywood, Mila Kunis, along with some of my other favorite pictures from this blog's short history:

Aren't Chicago taxes high enough?

Sometimes I wonder why taxes are so much higher in big cities than in smaller ones. Is it the need for an increased police presence due to more crime? That plays a part. Is it the need to pay prevailing wages for any work that is being done? Undoubtedly, that's also a part.

Here's another one, though, that would be much easier to fix if only the city council wasn't comprised completely of liberal to left-wing Democrats: the stupid spending programs. Why does our city need this when others don't?

The plan calls for City Hall to expand an emergency rental assistance program to support up to three months of rent and moving expenses for eligible tenants evicted after a landlord’s foreclosure.

Pro-bono legal services provided to evicted tenants by the Lawyer’s Committee for Better Housing will be expanded. And the city is prepared to launch a tenant outreach program as soon as Gov. Blagojevich signs a bill on his desk that broadens the umbrella of protections for impacted renters.

Awesome. They keep raising taxes to pay for this crap and then they wonder why they get a budget shortfall (hint: people do whatever they can to avoid the taxes). Then just just raise them more and more. The city needs this new program exactly why? Especially with this $400 million budget hole this year!

The comments at the bottom of the article give me some hope, as I see that I'm not the only one who has the same reaction to news like this.

This is why everyone hates hipsters

East Pilsen is one of those crappy Chicago neighborhoods that is turning into a hipster/artist area. Of course, the next step is then normal white people moving in and the neighborhood turning less crappy. The hipsters don't like it.

(As an aside, this final step is happening in my hood, Logan Square. Read the comment on our new bar by "abeline_queen" to get a flavor for how they view such nice, normal places. What a bitch. Here is the full text of an e-mail I sent to someone about her comment:

I mean, I know it's a comment section for rating the bar, but her beef isn't with the bar. It's with the very idea of an improving neighborhood. She hated this place before she ever stepped in it, and I doubt she ever did that.

If she thinks it's a Wrigleyville-style bar, she has clearly not been in there and thus is lying by reviewing it. The place is not ever very much fun (for now) because it's all couples going there to eat and then leave. It may as well be a Flat Top Grill.

Finally, how much individuality is there in dive bars and burrito places (of which there is only one of the "all-night" variety, and that's really just a regular Mexican restaurant that happens to be open 24 hours. Believe me, I've looked)? I've been to plenty of those places, too, and they are all the same. Because they suck. The dive bars are full of old people and dopey hipsters and in the burrito places you are lucky if someone can take your order since no one knows English. She must be one of those weird ugly hippie types who used to get made fun of when she was younger and never matured past it like most people do. I can just imagine her walking by the bar thinking how it's full of "frat guys" or some other supposed enemies.

Maybe I need to write a review responding to hers since she's so blatantly dishonest in her review. Overall, she just wants the relative safety of a nicer neighborhood (meaning full of white people) while continuing to reap the supposed benefits of bad ones ("character" and such). You can't have it both ways, sister!)

The latest manifestation is over a polish sausage stand in East Pilsen. I'm not kidding:

"This is a threat, not an opportunity for our neighborhood," says Carlos Chavarria, who owns Kristoffer's Cafe and Bakery on Halsted.

Why does a restaurant that serves up such beloved Chicago fare -- succulent grilled sausage topped with charred onions and sport peppers, a dollop of mustard on a bun -- elicit such a negative reaction?

"Have you been there?" asks Michael Berg, co-owner of EP Theater Company. "I go there for late night food once every two months. It's a place were drunk people who get out of bars at 2 a.m. go to eat and yell at each other. That's not what where looking for here."

Then there's the traffic jams and litter and overflowing Dumpsters, not to mention the rodents, graffiti, prostitution and double-parked cars, Chavarria says.

Huh? It's a sausage stand, not a casino!

This is what happens when you combine the modern nanny-statism of modern Chicago politics and liberalism in general with idiotic hipsters. What about the free market? Does anyone care about that any more?

I will say that the comments at the bottom of the story are really something. They range from the scary:

They should close down all of those Maxwell Street Depot stands. The food is bad for your health. If you ever see how they grill onions, they pour melted lard over a pile of onions on the grill. When they make the sausage putting the onions on top, you can see the bun soaking up the lard. Imagine what lard can do to you. It can cause harding of the arteries and that's bad for your heart. (Really? Who is "they"? You want the government to shut down restaurants because the food might be bad for you?)

...to the accurate:

Uneducated hipster losers are part of Podmajersky's plan for the neighborhood? Wow, that's forward-looking. (Ed: Ha!)Hey Pilsen, this housing/foreclosure crisis pretty much guarantees that you can keep your gangbangers for another 10 years. I feel sorry for the yuppies who paid over 300k prior to the crash for a 2 bed 2 bath.

...and...

Gee, I would bet if the Polish Stand was going to include lattes, frapuchinos, and fries made in duck fat, there would be no protest. (Ed: Double ha!) What a joke. Welcome ot Chicago. The city and citizens who hate businesses.

...to the funny:

i have an idea, why dont we have those people who hate the dog stand idea to have a polish eating contest so they can have a heart attack and die to solve our problems

...and...

Ya I always grab a polish and a trick from the polish stand.

The End

I'm killing off this blog after today, so enjoy it while you can. Or hate it. Whatever.

Rachel Lucas and I are on the same wavelength

Rachel Lucas on another foreclosure sob-story.

George Clooney Hearts Terrorists

Without further comment, the story first linked to by Andy McCarthy:

George Clooney, already one of Hollywood's leading liberal voices, has embarked on what may be one of his most controversial projects: the story of Osama bin Laden's driver.

Clooney's production company, Smokehouse, has bought the rights to a book about Salim Hamdan, an inmate at Guantánamo Bay who last week was sentenced to jail for his role in helping the al-Qaeda leader. The book, The Challenge, is by journalist Jonathan Mahler and tells the story of Hamdan's capture and trial, defended by a US navy lawyer, Lieutenant Commander Charles Swift. It has had a big critical success.

Last week Yemen-born Hamdan, who has already spent seven years in US custody, received a surprisingly light sentence of just five and a half years for being bin Laden's driver in Afghanistan. Prosecutors had billed the case as a key plank in the 'War on Terror', designed to show that terrorists could be dealt with by Guantánamo. They had described Hamdan as a member of bin Laden's inner circle who had knowledge of his terrorist plans...

Clooney is believed to be interested in playing the role of lawyer Swift and the case certainly has all the drama and tension of any fictional legal thriller. Aside from the terrorism and exotic locations, The Challenge describes Swift's battle as a classic case of a crusading 'little guy' winning against the odds.

Today's Megan Fox News

She has a new movie coming out, and rumor was that she had a topless scene. Now it's looking like it's not in the movie:

I'll take the reigns of this post while my boss, Cinematical editor-in-chief Erik Davis, presumably weeps on the floor of his office. According to a reviewer over at JoBlo.com, the movie all Megan Fox fanboys have been anxiously waiting for (Davis may have already been paying someone to prematurely wait in line for tickets), is reportedly without its most anticipated scene. That's right, the horror comedy Jennifer's Body no longer has footage of the Transformers hottie sans top. Of course, as we saw from some very popularly leaked shots (still available at CelebNewsWire.com), Fox wasn't actually topless anyway -- she had on flesh-colored pasties.

This is the story I was born to link to

You know I am going to link to this story just to check out the picture. I was not disappointed:

Every year, girls' dresses seem to be getting shorter and shorter (as we get older and older). But when they're wearing shirts as dresses...hmmm. Kymberly Clem, 20, was thrown out of a Kentucky mall Saturday because the "dress" she was wearing was deemed too short by security guards.

Global warming, my bum

The Tribune gives us the scoop:

August is the wettest and often the muggiest month of the year. Yet, summer heat continues in short supply, continuing a trend that has dominated much of the 21st Century's opening decade. There have been only 162 days 90 degrees or warmer at Midway Airport over the period from 2000 to 2008. That's by far the fewest 90-degree temperatures in the opening nine years of any decade on record here since 1930.

This summer's highest reading to date has been just 91 degrees. That's unusual. Since 1928, only one year—2000—has failed to record a higher warm-season temperature by Aug. 13.

Retards don't like Tropic Thunder

Some retarded folks are complaining about the new movie Tropic Thunder. I guess they don't like the use of the word "RETARD":

"When I heard about it, I felt really hurt inside,'' said Special Olympics global messenger Dustin Plunkett. ''I cannot believe a writer could write something like that. It's not the way that we want to be portrayed. We have feelings. We don't like the word 'retard.' ''

Tony Paulauski, executive director of Arc of Illinois, a public policy and advocacy organization for those with developmental disabilities and their families, is calling for a boycott of the film, which opens today.

"The use of the 'R' word in the media, in movies, in comedy sketches is no different than the use of the 'N' word. It needs to end," he said.

Dustin Plunkett is a baby, OK? You "cannot believe a writer could write something like that"? When was the last time you were on an elementary school playground?

Tony Paulauski (you know what they say about Pollocks, right?) says retard = a very bad word for black people (even though they use it ALL THE TIME, but that's another topic). And here I thought it was dumb when feminists compared their "fight for equality" or whatever to what blacks went through here. Even worse was when gays did it. Then fat people started to do it. Now retarded people? Where does it end?

This cannot stand!

I have now been accused by two people (one verbally, one written) of following the Olympics by posting this. I'd like to clear up some misconceptions, since linking to an article with a funny headline apparently is equal to reading about the Olympics to people.

I read the Drudge Report numerous times a day. Why? If you have to ask, you've never checked it out. It's a great site for news links, from big stories to silly and weird stories to opinion pieces.

Yesterday I went to Drudge and he put up a link to the Phelps story where he just copied the headline to his site. Here it is again:

Rise of the human dolphin

There was a picture of Phelps above it. The headline immediately made me think of the South Park episode, to which I linked a snippet. I didn't even read the article, because I DON'T CARE.

So, let's go back over this, since being a math major in college clear doesn't confer upon people reason and logic:

I saw a headline, then linked to the story to show that I was not making it up. I then wrote that the headline reminded me of a South Park episode.

How again does that mean that I am following the Olympics?

Shiner Bock vs. Yuengling

I agree with Kevin Williamson. It's no contest: Shiner by a mile. Yuengling is one of the worst beers I've ever had (and I've given it multiple chances).

Do you like having the Children's Museum moved to the park?

If so, thank Barack Obama for helping to make it possible:

Barack Obama's a swell guy, always willing to help out Chicago museums with federal taxpayer money… whether they need it or not.

In 2007, after he began his presidential campaign, Obama sought a $1 million federal earmark for the Chicago Children’s Museum to build a new facility. The museum, as of the end of fiscal 2007, had revenue in excess of expenses of $23 million, and net assets of $37 million.

If a museum is sitting on millions in profits, shouldn't they spend some of that before taxpayers nationwide are asked to kick in?

(That's from Jim Geraghty.)

Most people in the city don't actually want the museum to move, but darned if they can always find a way at the ballot box to keep re-electing the politicians who screw them.

Life Imitates South Park

The following headline in the London Evening Standard for a story about Michael Phelps reminds me very much of something:

Rise of the human dolphin

Oh yeah, it's this video.

Ode to The Final Score

I've sang the praises of The Final Score before. It's the sports highlight show that dispatches all of the usual crap in a SportsCenter or ESPNews broadcast and just shows highlights of sports we care about.

Today I have another reason to love it. Take a guess how much time was spent on the Olympics this morning...

It was about 2 minutes. The rest was baseball, with a little of the football game last night thrown in. I wanted to get on my knees and cry! Finally, I see other people in the sports broadcasting business who understand that lots of people don't care at all about the Olympics.

So thank you, Final Score, for giving me a glorious morning.

As an aside, I'm not sure why anyone would watch the Olympics last night, either. Between the White Sox game and a couple of great shows on History Channel (first, a Modern Marvels episode on carbon; second, a 2-hour documentary about hillbillies hosted by Billy Ray Cyrus), my night was full without having to degrade myself into watching the same kind of crap my mom most likely was.

Iowa News of the Day

Apparently, the only Vietnamese man in Des Moines (at least judging by his name) fancies himself an amateur veterinarian. And here we go:

Police said Vu attempted the sterilization procedure Aug. 2 on Shelly Shannon’s dog “Pooper.” It was reported to police two days later and animal control officers were brought in. They said one testicle had been removed with a razor blade during the home procedure but the other could not.

Shannon, 7907 S.W. 10th St., determined that the dog needed professional help, so she took him to the Animal Emergency and Referral Center of Iowa, 6110 Creston Ave., where Pooper was treated and later released.

Vu admitted that he attempted to neuter the dog and had not used pain medication, officials said. Officials said Vu told them he had been taught the procedure by his father and grandfather.

Officers noted that Vu has no veterinary license or training.

No kidding!

Prison Break Season 4

The new season of Prison Break starts Monday September 1 at 7PM with a 2-hour premiere.

As I track down more start dates I'll add them to the list on the left of this page.

UPDATE: OK, I did some more work as you can see.

24 starts in January, as per usual.

Lost kicks off early next year, according to ABC's website.

I can't find anything about King of the Hill, The Simpsons, or Family Guy. Those shows also had late start dates last year, I believe, that started around Halloween and after the MLB playoffs.

This morning's reason why I hate ESPN

Being in a hotel in Hartford, I didn't have access to any of the FSN affiliated channels that I'd usually have. Thus, I couldn't watch The Final Score this morning for my sports news. This was one of the worst possible days for me to be stuck with ESPNews. Why?

ESPNews is a 30-minutes program. You might have heard that Brett Favre was traded to the Jets late last night. What does ESPN show on their half-hour show?

The first 26 minutes were about Favre. Then they decided to throw a bone to everyone outside of Wisconsin and New York City by showing a couple of baseball highlights. And of course by highlights, I mean one play from each game, the Rays and Yankees games.

Effectively the show was engineered to appeal to people in Wisconsin, NYC, and a very smal group in Tampa. Everybody else got a big FU. Want to see White Sox highlights? FU! They didn't even play on a day when Brett Favre got traded! Neither did 25 other MLB teams!

Why was this blog labeled spam?

Last week, this blog was frozen for a day or two (that's why there were no posts on Friday). I also received an e-mail telling me that this space was designated as a potential "spam blog". I don't know what that is, but I guess it's bad. I replied to the e-mail, and on Saturday we were back in business. I had no idea why this was designated as such.

Then I read this article this morning:

Web loggers who are campaigning against Senator Obama's presidential run are accusing Google and Obama supporters of silencing them after their Web logs were marked as spam and their accounts temporarily frozen.

On Thursday, hours after publishing a post about an online petition demanding that Mr. Obama publicly produce his birth certificate, an associate professor of business administration at Brooklyn College, Mitchell Langbert, found that he could no longer access his Web log.

It goes on to describe the whole scenario. I'm not one to get into conspiracy stuff, and I doubt Google did this to go after anti-Obama blogs. I mean, sure, I don't like the guy, but it's not like I am pro-McCain. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one, I think:

A spokesman for Google, Adam Kovacevich, said in a statement that an overzealous antispam filter was responsible for the blocks.

"We believe this was caused by mass spam e-mails mentioning the 'Just Say No Deal' network of blogs, which in turn caused our system to classify the blog addresses mentioned in the e-mails as spam," he said. "We have restored posting rights to the affected blogs, and it is very important to us that Blogger remain a tool for political debate and free expression."

..."I don't think" Google has "malicious intentions at all, it's just that spammers can literally overrun a service if you're not careful, so their defenses have become overzealous," a spokesman for WordPress, Matthew Mullenweg, said in an e-mail.

"We always have human review before turning off an active blog," he said. "People invest so much time into their blogs, to treat it with anything less than the utmost respect is criminal."

I can understand the conspiracy-peddling from these guys since Google has shown a distinct left-leaning bias in the past. However, no one reads this except some people I know. Also, I am certain I have zero influence over anyone from anything I write here.

Tornado aftermath

Luckily, I was in a neighborhood tavern during our tornado last night. Drudge provided this link on the wrap up.

More immigration news

The border fence is going up in El Paso:

The US Department of Homeland Security is racing to meet a December 31 deadline to raise 670 miles of steel fences and vehicle barriers along the 3,200 kilometer (2,000 mile) long southern border. About half has been completed, including this six kilometer (four mile) segment at New Mexico's Santa Teresa Port of Entry.

That's good. Of course, the mainstream media has their usual theme, ignoring the identity theft committed by these people who steal Social Security numbers in a "peaceful" manner:

The overwhelming majority of the half-million people believed to cross the border ilegally each year are peaceful, mostly Mexicans seeking low-wage jobs. About 12 percent of those caught in the El Paso sector in 2007, Hernandez said, have a criminal background or were previously deported from the United States.

Slow times

Posting will be slow around here since I'm going out of town for a few days. More of the usual crap when I come back.

Review of Swing Vote

So there is this new movie out called Swing Vote, starring Kevin Costner. Since whenever Hollywood steps up with a political movie it makes conservatives look like crooks or buffoons and liberals look the opposite, I was quite skeptical of it. (Ever seen Dave? What dreck.)

The good news is that Swing Vote works really hard to be balanced and is a pretty good movie, or so says Mark Hemingway. It sounds like the key was that the writers didn't deal with a lot of ideology in the movie. Given that it's about a presidential race, that's not easy to do but it sounds like they pulled it off. With one of my favorite actors ever cast as the incumbent Republican president, Kelsey Grammar (aka, Sideshow Bob!), it could be pretty good. Dennis Hopper (aka, Shooter the alcoholic!) is the Democratic candidate, too.

Of course, I still won't see it in the theater, but I'll be sure to check it out when it comes out on DVD.

Too bad, so sad

The illegal alien news just keeps on coming today. The New York Times has an article about how some hospitals are deporting illegals who require costly care. The government won't pay for care, so if they don't get forced home, the hospitals have to just eat the cost, which would raise everyone else's costs. Of course, the government paying for it just leads to higher taxes for those of us who actually pay them, so Americans get screwed either way.

Being a Times news story, it features the most heart-wrenching story possible, and one that never mentions the various crimes committed by the illegal alien (Social Sceurity fraud and violation of immigration laws, along with probably tax evasion and others). What a surprise. Luckily, most people can fight through that garbage and see how this is a good thing. It's unfortunate for illegals with no insurance who get hurt, but then if they followed our immigration laws they could probably have jobs with insurance. I don't feel much pity for them, given that they've been leeching off our country for so long.

So yes, hospitals have to do the job of our federal government. Nice, right Obama and McCain?

There are probably too many illegals in New York City

It appears that Univision's evening news broadcast has the highest ratings in New York City. But Barack Obama and John McCain and all of the other open-borders advocates tell me they will assimilate!

Could they wrong about yet one more topic in illegal immigration?

I love Dragnet

In 1990, cable TV finally made it out to the country and my parents' house. One of my favorite channels was Nickelodeon, as it allowed to see shows that I'd never seen before. My favorite was Dragnet.

I loved the straightforward way they solved crimes and such. Plus, they were always taking down hippies. That ruled.

Thankfully, MeTV on channel 23 here in Chicago has become a latter-day version of Nick At Nite, but with old shows on all day. It must be the cheapest station in the country to run, considering all they show are old episodes of shows no one else wants. Anyway, every Saturday morning they show back-to-back episodes of Dragnet that record. I should just get them on DVD and be done with it.

What made me post this? The episode I am currently watching is titled "Community Relations". They are spending the episode trying to convince some high school graduates to take the police entrance exam. The fun part? Check out who is playing "Student (uncredited)". That's right, it's everyone's favorite acquitted double murderer, OJ Simpson! Maybe his experience on the show helped him avoid prosecution.

Favre may go to the Vikings or Bears after all

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel is reporting that the Packers may end up trading Brett Favre to either the Vikings or Bears if they can't find a suitable deal with any other team. This makes sense for the Packers.

Current season be damned, if the Packers can't get a 3rd rounder for him from anyone else but can from either of those two teams, they should take it. It would be better for the long-term health of the franchise. If they cared about this year or next year so much, they would probably welcome back Favre and name him the starter anyway. It's time they apply the (correct, I think) longer view to a trade just as they are doing with their QB situation.

Griffey to the Sox? UPDATED

Ken Rosenthal is reporting that the Sox and Reds have agreed to a trade that would send Ken Griffey, Jr. to the Sox. No other details are available. Griffey has to waive his no-trade clause.

I should wait until it's finalized (if that even happens), but I don't see the fit. Griffey can't play center field any more, so he's limited to the outfield corners and DH. Including first base, the Sox are currently set at those spots. I don't see Griffey as an upgrade over any of Carlos Quentin, Jermaine Dye, Nick Swisher (who has the odd combination of skills to play either CF or 1B), Jim Thome, or Paul Konerko. Not that they are all having great years, but then one of them has to sit every day. Maybe that's the point, to get them all more rest and give them a thumper off the bench every game. But then why can't Josh Fields to a reasonable impression of that when Joe Crede gets healthy?

This trade is too confusing to think about without hearing the details, so no more from me on it now.

UPDATE: It's Griffey for Nick Masset and Danny Richar. That's not much to give up, but I still don't understand what Griffey brings to the team that they don't already have.

Dudes wearing eyeliner

The latest sign of the collapse of Europe is that in England, a company is selling mascara for guys. I can just picture it: "You know what? half the potential market isn't being addressed!"

Babytalk to old people

Rachel Lucas (clearly one of the few bigger misanthropes than me) writes about a study showing that old people hate being talked to like they are 2 years old. She does so very colorfully, so I recommend it to all.

When my grandmother was in her later years, I remember people talking to her like that. I hated it about as much as Rachel did. I always talked to her about normal things in a normal voice and I think she appreciated it.

More romantic: men or women

John Hawkins and Dr. Melissa Clouthier have a little debate over IM or something about whether men or women are more romantic. I found it interesting. I can't believe it, but I actually agree more with the doctor.

Sick people on the CTA

This morning I'm on the Blue Line headed to work on a jam-packed car. We get to the Chicago stop and all of a sudden, at the other end of my car some of the passengers are forcing the doors open and getting off. I wonder what's happening (luckily I tend to have a good vantage point), and it becomes apparent that someone is "sick" on the train.

From what I could tell it was a little Hispanic lady who wasn't terribly old or fat. Yeah, the train was kind of warm, but when it's full of people that's going to happen. So the conductor and someone else (I guess the guy who was working at the station) come down and are just kind of talking to her for a few minutes. After this goes on for about 10 minutes we finally take off with this lady still on the train!

Now...

Unless someone is having a seizure or heart attack or stroke or something, why in the hell can't they just get up? Why can't we carry them off? This lady looked OK to me (not that she wasn't sick, but she could have gotten her ass up and off the train). We had to hold up morning rush hour for her to catch her breath or whatever? Meanwhile, the rest of the train was getting hotter and we were all getting warmed up while she had tons of room to calm herself down or something.

I'm quite aware that this may be my most misanthropic post yet, but I just don't get it. She wasn't going anywhere, so why not just get the train two more stops to Clark and Lake where everyone else can get off and she can be attended to? The whole thing is just done with no consideration of the hundreds of other passengers on the train sweating our asses off, not to mention the other trains behind us now getting clogged up.

Video of the day

This is going to be the best video you see all day. Trust me. I can't describe it any better than has been done by Ufford at With Leather, so I'll quote him in full:

This elaborate unveiling of soccer uniforms (fine, fine: kits) comes to us from Bayern Munich, aka Bayern München, aka The Adventures of Bayern Munchausen. And I don't want to spoil anything, but if you hate soccer and Germans -- and most Americans do -- this isn't going to improve your view of either.

I just don't know how team officials arrived at this monstrosity. "We need to show off the new kits." "How about a fashion show?" "That's a terrible idea." "How about a fashion show... with choreography!?" "NOW you're talking!"

Even the presence of beautiful models in the video can't save it.

Cool list

10 unsolved mysteries of the world. Very fun read, and strange.

The Green fad may be ending

Has anyone noticed that everything everywhere is green (or should I write, Green)? I was just thinking about it last night. There I am, watching Special Report with Brit Hume, and I get pummelled with another goofy gas commericial by BP or somebody. In it, I am told that they do all kinds of things to "protect the environment".

What does that even mean? What do they mean by "environment"? Anything specific? Also, how are they "protecting" it, and from who or what? See what I mean when I write that this stuff is just plain goofy? I also think it's meant to appeal to idiots who don't think about things like this, but that's another issue.

Anyway, I was thinking about how everything has to be Green. It's so annoying. Can't anybody just sell me some gas or burgers or beer and leave it at that?

I am glad the fad is dying. And yes, environmentalists, it was always fad. I knew people were smarter than that, and they are proving me correct:

As global warming was first becoming a cause célèbre a few years ago, many serious environmentalists worried that green was in danger of becoming a fad -- something that would inevitably recede from consciousness after overtaxing our limited pop-cultural attention span.

Sad to say, that prediction shows signs of coming true. Last week, The New York Times noted that the advertising industry is pulling back from green-themed marketing, having "grasped the public's growing skepticism over ads with environmental messages.

Fatass whiners

What a bunch of babies. Big, fat babies:

In late April, Troutman learned an unfortunate side effect of his healthy weight gain: After entering the Michigan Avenue Gap store, he was told that they no longer carried his size, XXL.

"I'm not sure what I felt at that moment, but part of it was embarrassment," Troutman wrote on his blog, My View from the Jeep. "Regardless of the words the associate used, all I heard was, 'We're not serving your kind anymore.' "

The horror. It's like Jim Crow all over again.

The Gap was Troutman's favorite retail spot, and shopping there provided him with relief from the stresses of working as human resource manager at a Chicago not-for-profit. Now, he says, the local store on his block is a reminder of where he is not welcome anymore. "At my size, I don't have many options for shopping, and this was just one more limitation," he said. "The Gap is making it harder for a group of people who already have difficulty shopping to purchase their product."

Paul McAleer is a Chicago Web designer and developer who created and writes for My Big Fat Blog, which aims to report on "fat awareness and fat rights." He said the Gap's decision to pull the XXL from stores is part of a retail trend to make the bricks-and-mortar store less plus-size friendly. "To me it says that fat people, both men and women, do not fit within the Gap's brand image," McAleer said. Last year Old Navy, a youth-oriented brand of clothing owned by Gap Inc., pulled women's XXL from its stores, making it available only online.

What I'm about to write is not because I hate fat people and make fun of them (though they can be funny sometimes). It's because I'm 6'9" and can't find clothes everywhere I want to shop either:

All right, fatty, here's the deal. Stop being such a whiner. First, you are fat because you eat too much and don't exercise enough. If it's really just due to muscle gain, no one has to subsidize your roided up body. To complain about not finding clothes because of your lifestyle is ridiculous. That's like if you chopped off your arm on purpose and started complaining because stores don't carry one-armed shirts.

Second, why is Gap a bad guy? They are trying to be more efficient in their inventory. You can still buy your clothes online. Besides, since you are a guy you should appreciate not having to go to a store. It sucks poop, and only gays and metrosexuals enjoy shopping for clothes. Online shopping is SO much easier and better. Trust me, I do it all the time.

Third, this isn't Russia (to turn a phrase; I know they have a market economy now). We have a free market. If there are so many fashionable fatties out there who want to shop, open a store for them where you design the clothes. You should be fabulously rich benefitting from all of the fat discrimination out there.

Wait, what's that you say? You wouldn't get rich from it? Well no kidding. I guess there's not that much demand for it. Now do you see why Gap is not carrying that stuff any more?

Why should a store be required to carry everything they have in your size? Where does it end? Can I get some size 15 shoes, or 38 inch inseam pants, or XLXT shirts too? How about Shawn Bradley? How about Yokozuna? Hey, they've got rights and shouldn't be inconvenienced either, correct?

Yeah, dude, everybody today is a victim. Everybody has to bitch about something. Why don't you stop complaining and either fix the problem (by opening your own stores) or deal with it? You do that by finding out where you can find clothes that fit. It was quite a disappointment when I was a 6' 6" junior in high school and I figured out I had to buy all of my pants and shoes (and most of my shirts) from a catalog for the rest of my life, but I GOT OVER IT. Life goes on. With the internet, it's easy to find all kinds of big and tall stores.

Link make goodness funny

The headline above is my weak attempt at humor by pretending that it could be an example of the way some Japanese phrases translate to English so horribly. (Sort of like the Three Happiness restaurant in Chintown visible from the Red Line.)

This website collects other such examples from people. It's pretty funny.

Reason ranks the 35 biggest cities by freedom

Guess which city comes in last in personal freedom? If you don't know, you are new to this blog. How about this apalling part:

Shortly after taking office in 1989, Mayor Richard Daley blew the dust off an ancient ordinance allowing individual city precincts to vote themselves dry. Today, nearly one quarter of Chicago’s precincts are alcohol-free; the number of Chicago taverns has dropped from some 7,000 in the late 1940s to just over 1,300 today.

Don't want to deport illegals?

Don't drive around San Franciso, or you'll probably be gunned down by one of them.

The best is this a-hole's lawyer, who just couldn't stop lying to the press about his client:

Shortly after that, police arrested Ramos, a native of El Salvador and reputed member of the Mara Salvatrucha gang, known as MS-13. Investigators believe he was the gunman, though two other men were seen in the car with him...

Ramos' attorney, Robert Amparan, said his client was not the shooter. "They have the wrong person," he said.

Amparan declined to discuss details of the case, but he denied his client was involved in gang activity and said Ramos entered the country legally. Federal authorities contend Ramos is undocumented.

Sure. How did he avoid deportation? Through the same type of law that we have here in Chicago:

The victims' family learned that Ramos had been arrested at least three times before the shooting and evaded deportation, largely because of San Francisco's sanctuary status.

The policy, adopted in 1989 by the city's elected Board of Supervisors, bars local officials from cooperating with federal authorities in their efforts to deport illegal immigrants.

Despite his history, the city turned him loose only four months ago when he was in the middle of being deported:

Ramos was arrested in late March with another man after police discovered a gun used in a double homicide in the car Ramos was driving.

The district attorney's office decided not to file charges against Ramos, and he was released April 2 even though he was in the process of being deported after his application for legal residence was denied, according to the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Not that deportation would matter when this animal could just scurry back across the border. Here's the big finale. Mayor Newsom should be impeached or recalled or whatever they do over there:

"We need to remember always that a death-dealing policy like 'sanctuary' hides behind the false mantle of compassion," Hull said.

Nathan Ballard, a spokesman for San Francisco's mayor, said city officials were wrong to shield undocumented, juvenile felons from federal immigration authorities.

"The sanctuary program was never intended to shield felons," Ballard said. "The policy was inappropriate."

However, Newsom "still supports the worthwhile aims of denying the federal government" assistance in deporting otherwise law-abiding undocumented residents, he said.

"Otherwise law-abiding undocumented residents"? WHAT?!?!?!? That's like saying I'm a swell guy other than all of my liquor store robberies.

Where's the John Edwards news?

The National Enquirer said last fall that John Edwards fathered a love child with a woman who isn't his wife. They reported this week that they caught him exiting the woman's hotel room in the wee hours of the morning. Haven't heard about all this?

Jack Shafer wonders why, especially compared to what Larry Craig and his wide stance went through. (He even throws out Jesse Jackson and his bastard child.) He thinks this:

Or are they observing a double standard that says homo-hypocrisy is indefensible but that hetero-hypocrisy deserves an automatic bye?

Or could it be that Craig is a Republican and Edwards and Jackson are Democrats? Methinks that's the much more obvious explanation.

As an aside, it's easy to laugh at this and say that the Enquirer is just a bunch of fake news. If so, why doesn't Edwards sue the crap out of them rather than just try to ignore it and change the subject when asked about it? He IS a trial lawyer, and a very successful one at that.

Zell plays by his own rules

Since Bud Selig took over as commissioner (really just president of the owners), usually when a baseball team gets sold it's because he approves of it. MLB has an anti-trust exemption, the only major sport that does, so they can stop team moves and sales. Selig likes to reward his friends and those who will play by his rules.

Sam Zell, the new Cubs owner, just wants to maximize the amount of money he gets and doesn't give a fig about Bud Selig and the rest of the owners. Selig's favorite group? They underbid, probably thinking they could slide through thanks to Selig's support. But now they are out:

Canning declined to comment. He represented a group that included Aon Corp. Chairman Patrick Ryan, business leader Andrew McKenna and restaurateurs Richard Melman and Larry Levy, among others.

“His bid was not at a high enough level. He’s out,” a source said. “He could rebid. He could say, ‘I’m sorry, I forgot a decimal point.’ But as of now, he’s out.”

Who is in the final five? They only tell us of one, and it's going to give Selig heartburn:

Making the cut as the Cubs winnowed the list of bids from an original 10 respondents was Mark Cuban, owner of basketball’s Dallas Mavericks, said a source familiar with the process. The identity of the other finalists couldn’t be learned.

This just tells me that the more I hear about Zell, the more I like the way he works:

The bold move points to escalating tension between Tribune Chairman Sam Zell, trying to maximize the price for the Cubs, and the lords of baseball. Rules specify that 75 percent of the owners must approve any sale, and they could look at factors other than price in settling on a suitable Cubs buyer.

Thake that, Bud! Your buddies are going to cough up more money. Zell is in a unique position of having to maximize the Tribune Company's assets to pay off debt. He doesn't give a rat's patootie about who it goes to.

Sox fans need to keep some things in mind

Paul Konerko is not having a good year. Some hometown fans have started to boo him:

Walker and Konerko heard the boos directed at the Sox first baseman Tuesday night, as Konerko left five men on base in the victory against the Texas Rangers.

Hitting coach Greg Walker is not happy:

''The one thing, the people that were booing -- they have a right to boo -- but when they walk into this ballpark and take a look at that statue [the Championship Moments Monument] out there, they better realize he's a big reason that statue is even standing and we're walking around here with rings on our hands.

''I would tell them that, if they asked me what I thought, 'You better be grateful this guy played here, and one day you will be.'''

...''The thing is that his legacy is still in front of him here,'' Walker said. ''If he comes on strong the rest of the way when it really counts ... I mean, I know his teammates have picked him up this year, but he could do the same thing for them down the stretch and make something special happen.

''I do hate to see some negative people that are totally down on him. But ultimately, the only person that can get Paul Konerko going is Paul Konerko, and he understands that, too. I always tell people that the game doesn't feel sorry for you. If you start feeling sorry for yourself, then it will just pile on.''

Walker said he talks to Konerko almost every day and continues to remind him that this season is salvageable.

''We all have to remember that Paul has produced on the biggest stage,'' Walker said. ''When people with those thundersticks in Anaheim were beating them so loudly that I couldn't hear myself think [in the 2005 ALCS], this guy goes out and hits home runs in the first inning two days in a row to absolutely take all the pressure off of his team. So he's handled it.

''This will not be the season that he looks on the back of that baseball card and says, 'Man, I was good that year.' But it might be the season that he can look back on and say, 'Hey, I didn't give into it, I fought, and we did something special that year.' That's what I'm hoping.''

I agree completely. The guy has been hurt this year, and he's out there trying. And, as Walker says, he was the best hitter on the 2005 championship team. He only deserves to be booed if he's not out there trying his best.

So what hometown players deserve to be booed? I think these are the categories:

1. Guys who are tanking it. That's easy.

2. Guys who don't belong on the team. This includes criminals and those guys who are just terrible who never belonged on a team to begin with. The second part included numerous Sox of the past, such as Royce Clayton and World Series hero Scott Podsednik (who I now will admit had his virtues as player).

3. Guys who hold out for a new contract, but this one is a little iffy.

Guys who are just overpaid don't necessarily bother me. It's only when you combine that with some of the issues above that they do, such as former Sox and Cub Jaime Navarro.

Go ahead, take the train to O'Hare

The CTA finished early on the slow-zone work between Rosemont and O'Hare. There are still some slow spots between other stops, but that part always seemed really bad to me. Maybe it was because it was so long that seemed slower than other parts.

Like high energy prices?

Keep voting Democratic, says Jeffrey Lord.

Lord lays out the case against Democrats on this issue, and why they can't even say what they really believe. There is so much good stuff, I hate to only excerpt a small part. Here's his conclusion, but anyone who votes should read the whole thing and keep it in mind:

Do you think Senator Obama wishes to acknowledge that the liberal philosophy he and his liberal (and frequently very rich) friends champion has gotten us to this exact point in American energy history? Of course not. If the American people figure out the connection between the price of gas and liberalism, they won't put a liberal in the White House. Which is why Obama, as with Dukakis, has to hide his liberalism. Connecting the dots between what we see in our everyday lives and illustrating the folly of whatever liberal idea got us here is what the rest of us have to do.

More here on the same theme:

Assaulting the standard of living of the middle class is what Barack Obama is all about. For you can search through all of his position papers, speeches and talking points and not find a word about reducing the price of gas or oil. He clearly has no intention of trying to reduce the price of gas at all. He has said, in fact, that the high price of gas and oil is good for the environment, and the only problem is that the prices increased too suddenly. This is the Marie Antoinette school of energy policy.

Remember Obama's famous quote:

"We can't just keep driving our SUVs, eating whatever we want, keeping our homes at 72 degrees at all times regardless of whether we live in the tundra or the desert, and keep consuming 25 percent of the world's resources with just 4 percent of the world's population, and expect the rest of the world to say you just go ahead. We'll be fine. That's not leadership. That's not going to happen. "

What he means by this is that the current standard of living of the American people is unfair. It represents massive inequality in comparison to the rest of the world. So here we have a leading Presidential candidate who thinks truth and justice requires a reduction in our opulent middle class living standards. Good luck, and good night.

Post of the Day

Michelle Malkin has a great one on the blinding insanity held by the left, and rapper Nas in particular, in regards to Fox News Channel. To wit, they want a boycott of FNC due to its supposed racist coverage toward Barack Obama.

Malkin's demolition of their grievances is a beautiful thing.

Loyola kills animals!

That's the healine the animal rights folks want you to read. Here's the reality:

Sloppy work at Loyola University Chicago's Stritch School of Medicine research lab in Maywood led to the deaths of five dogs and seven rabbits, according to an animal-rights group that reviewed 2006-07 federal inspection reports.

Wow. Five dogs and seven rabbits. Is it any wonder no one takes these nutjobs seriously?

Cook County Board still loves those new taxes

An effort to repeal the punitive new sales tax in Cook County failed yesterday. I like how those who want to let people keep more of their money are irresponsible:

Peraica took most of the heat. Commissioner Earlean Collins said Peraica's move was "all talk." Other board members criticized Peraica for being "irresponsible" by trying to repeal the tax in the middle of the year.

"To vote in favor of the repeal of the sales tax today would be to send our government to bankruptcy court possibly or to stop essential services," Commissioner Roberto Maldonado said.

Right, and what services are so essential? Certainly not the black hole that is the county hospital system. The county has no business throwing money at poor people and illegals who want free medical care.

Board President Todd Stroger was predictably modest about his efforts in the position so far:

When the rather long-winded arguments were over, Board President Todd Stroger said he is irritated by the constant criticism of his administration.

"I'm doing what's best for the people. That's how I'm running the government. And until this place falls apart, then I'll step up and say, you know what, I screwed up," Stroger said. "But until then, I'll tell you I'm doing a damn good job."

Sure you have, Todd, what with the hiring of your cousin as the budget director (I'm sure she is perfectly qualified, but she just happens to be related to you) and the ridiculous tax increases, one of which gives us this:

On July 1, the county's portion of the sales tax increased 1 percentage point -- a penny on the dollar -- to 1.75 percent, giving Chicago the highest sales tax in the country at 10.25 percent.

Let's not forget he wanted 2%!

We'll see if people remember this next election. I'm sure they won't, since Republicans are too mean for some people to ever vote for them. Add that to blacks monolithically voting for Stroger, and you have a mini dynasty. Great.

Obama cannot be this stupid

The Barack Obama nerds think he walks on water and such, but I don't even think he's the brightest guy around. I mean, he's probably smarter than me, but that's not saying much.

Still, he couldn't possibly be dumb enough to name (or even consider) John Edwards as his running mate. Let's go through the reasons:

1. He's run for president twice and lost each time.

2. He ran as the VP nominee only four years ago, and lost. In campaign manager Bob Shrum's book, John Kerry did not have flattering things to say about him.

3. He served a single term in the Senate, and he was one of the most non-descript members of that body. In fact, despite his silly two Americas presidential campaign speech, he was fairly moderate in the Senate and ran as such.

4. He's served in no other elective position.

5. Obama's problem (or one of them, which may or may not even end up being a problem) is that he's inexperienced. Edwards is the only possible nominee who is even less experienced. His selection would do nothing to help satisfy voters who are concerned about that.

6. Edwards is a southerner, but he's moved too far to the left for him to do any good there any more. Kerry won no southern states in 2004. (I know that Obama isn't Kerry, and also that McCain isn't Bush, but it's worth remembering by anyone who thinks Edwards would help there.)

I don't know who he should choose, as he has a lot of very different options that could help accomplish different things. I just don't see how Edwards helps any of that. Can anyone think of reasons why he would be chosen?

Lucky she didn't get my picture

Whew, that was close!

I recently found myself on a nearly-empty Brown Line car during the early evening, when I realized that a man sitting next to me was masturbating. I kicked him and yelled at him to stop, which he did, and he left the train at the next stop.

More seriously, that's pretty gross. I can't believe anyone who isn't mentally ill would think that's a good idea. "Hey baby, I love you THIS much!"

Fun times for the Hawkeyes

This is all alleged right now, but Iowa football coach Kirk Ferentz, along with the AD and 3 other school officials, is accused of trying to cover up a gang rape (two is a gang in my book) involving a couple of football players. Here's the best part:

The alleged victim was harassed, followed, taunted and called names such as "whore" by several athletes from university athletic programs, including Satterfield, Everson and other football players, her mother said in a phone interview.

Very nice.

Greg Norman is still doing it

Norman is leading the British Open near the end of round 3. He's 53 years old, and the previous oldest man to win a major was 48 (some dude in the 1960's). The final round should be fun to watch tomorrow morning.

He's inspired me to bring out this chesnut from Dumb and Dumber:

Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

Atkins is healthy

Professional dieticians don't like it, but a new study shows that the Atkins diet does a good job of lowering cholesteral levels (despite intuition). I've always been a fan.

Meanest post ever

When a blog post is so evil that even I think it's bad, you know it's gone a little too far. Be sure to check out the last paragraph of this one from What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Sure, I laughed, but I would never write or say something like that.

ECW was the best

This is an old clip of the end of a match from ECW (a now-defunct professional wrestling organization whose wrestlers and fans were slightly, uh, off). It appears to be Terry Funk and Cactus Jack vs. Public Enemy, though a more knowledgeable person can correct me if I'm wrong.

It must be a slow sports-related news day, since With Leather posted it. It's still great, though.

The ultimate Obama profile

The Onion is in on the joke:

NEW YORK—Hailed by media critics as the fluffiest, most toothless, and softest-hitting coverage of the presidential candidate to date, a story in this week's Time magazine is being called the definitive Barack Obama puff piece.

"No news publication has dared to barely scratch the surface like this before," columnist and campaign reporter Michael King wrote in The Washington Post Tuesday. "This profile sets a benchmark for mindless filler by which all other features about Sen. Obama will now be judged. Just impressive puff-journalism all around."

The 24-page profile, entitled "Boogyin' With Barack," hit newsstands Monday and contains photos of the candidate as a baby, graduating from Columbia University, standing and laughing, holding hands with his wife and best friend, Michelle, greeting a crowd of blue-collar autoworkers, eating breakfast with diner patrons, and staring pensively out of an airplane window while a pen and legal pad rest comfortably on his lowered tray table.

Starving people in the heartland

Yeah, as Jonah Goldberg points out, these guys look like they are really struggling with hunger (see the picture):

The rising cost of food means their money gets them about a third fewer bags of groceries — $100 used to buy about 12 bags of groceries, but now it's more like seven or eight. So they cut back on expensive items like meat, and they don't buy extras like ice cream anymore. Instead, they eat a lot of starches like potatoes and noodles.

Al Gore needs some perspective

Or so it seems, via Fark:

"I don't remember a time in our country when so many things seemed to be going so wrong simultaneously," Gore said, having never heard of the Great Depression, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War or the World Wars.

Also, Jim Geraghty has some commentary about other parts of Gore's big goofy environmental speech yesterday. This part is good:

Today's Washington Post notes, "As people filed out of the hall, three black cars waited for Gore and his entourage. A young woman walked up to the first one, a Lincoln Town Car, and stuck a handwritten note on the windshield: 'I wish I were a Prius.'"

A 2008 Lincoln Town Car gets 15 miles per gallon in the city, 22 on the highway.

Funny blog

Here's something I just found: R.O.C.K. on the CTA.

I'll let the proprietor describe it herself:

A somewhat snarky, sometimes cranky, borderline stalker-y view of the world from my seat on the bus. No offense meant to anyone.. all of these stories are just made up. I really know nothing about you. And I care even less. I love watching the urbanites as they do their daily dance along the train tracks and bus routes...They make me happy. And sleepy.

She takes pictures of random people on the CTA and makes up stories about them.

UPDATE: An intrepid commenter pointed out that the author is a dude. Reading his comments I wouldn't have guessed that. Oh well.

Eddie Murphy's career as a leading man may be over

I guess the Eddie Murphy movie that opened last weekend called Meet Dave didn't do so hot at the box office. Here's a list of 50 movies that did better. I kind of like #18 and #19.

Just to be clear, I'm not trying to pee on the grave of Murphy's career. I always loved his stand-up routines and his movies up to a point. I just thought the list was funny.

Sporadic Megan Fox update

Here you go. Only because we could all use a little more of her in our lives.

What your fantasy says about you

Oops, I meant to type "What your fantasy football drafting strategy says about you". My mistake. Anyway, since we are getting close to both real and fantasy football, here's an article by Mike Tanier over at the very best NFL site on the interwebs, Football Outsiders.

This one's the best, because it's so true (and I just love the name of it):

Strategy: RB-RB-TE (The Gates Guy)

Style: You are always the first guy to grab a tight end. You also pick a kicker around Round 8 and a defense in Round 9 or so, two healthy steps ahead of the curve. This year, it’s Antonio Gates, Stephen Gostkowski, and the Bears. Ten years ago, it was Shannon Sharpe, Jason Elam, and the Panthers. Your quarterbacks often stink and your top wide receiver for five years was O.J. McDuffie, but you are always strong where you think it counts: the peripherals.

Personality: You’re the guy who outsmarts the system, and you consider yourself a master of market inefficiencies. You dabbled as a day trader in the 1990s and a real estate speculator five years ago. You now own 20,000 shares of Boo.com and a $300,000 duplex in the Heroinville neighborhood of Addictowne, but that doesn’t dissuade you of your genius.

Other Traits: You like to collect curios and oddities. You prefer vinyl to iPods, and you’ll argue to the death that it’s better to have slightly improved equalization and stereo separation than the ability to walk down the street listening to music. You enjoy fads that involve over-complicating things that should be easy, like soap making. You still brew your own beer, even though it went out of style a decade ago, and your friends politely swill the latest batch of J.W. Wittenlover Select even though it tastes like a blend of Guinness, WD-40, and rotting grass.

As an aside, I am about 1/3 done with their annual book, and it's by far their best yet. Every team chapter's article is about team-building, which is a change from prior years (and much more similar to what the guys do with Baseball Prospectus.) I highly recommend it.

Texas tells the World Court to go to hell

Good for them.

What I find most disturbing is this part:

Earlier, President Bush issued a directive to the state courts to abide by the decision and also asked Texas specifically to review Medellin's case ahead of his planned Aug. 5 execution.

Those steps were "highly unusual," Bellinger said. "It almost never happens that the federal government enters an appearance in state court proceedings."

However, Texas refused, and in March the U.S. Supreme Court ruled by a 6-3 vote that Bush lacked the authority to compel state courts to comply with the judgment from The Hague.

Are there actually 3 Supreme Court justices who think the President has any power over a state supreme court (let along for purposes of following the World Court)? The President has no such power, and those three justices (I can guess 4 possibilities) should be impeached and removed from the bench for simply making things up.

Global warming update

This post is far too long and interesting for me to just post some excerpts, so I recommend reading the whole thing. The best part is the quoting of a physicist who demolishes the establishment opinion on global warming.

Rachel Lucas watches some HGTV

And she hates everyone on it.

Her bigger message is that she finds the women on these shows so stupid, irrational, spoiled, and emasculating that she wonders how any man who watched that channel would want to ever marry.

I've never seen the channel, but I will agree that there is a larger than desired proportion of women who are just as she describes.

Not being married and having no prospects doesn't sound so bad after all...

UPDATE: Dr. Melissa Clouthier has more. Her conclusion?

What will reverse this frustrating tide? I don’t know. Men may revolt and give up women and encourage legalized prostitution like some of the commenters recommended. Men may just consign themselves to lead single and happy (well, happier than being with a shrewish woman) lives. Or, as Rachel suggests, men might go gay. But I have to say, that last choice might be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fryer.

Ichiro the Motivator

This story continues to make me laugh:

He pointed to Ichiro Suzuki, the Seattle Mariners’ wisp of an outfielder, a man who still uses a translator to do interviews with English-speaking reporters – and happens to be baseball’s amalgam of Anthony Robbins and George Carlin. Every year, after the AL manager addresses his team, Ichiro bursts from his locker, a bundle of kinetic energy, and proceeds, in English, to disparage the National League with an H-bomb of F-bombs, stunning first-timers who had no idea Ichiro speaks the queen’s language fluently and making returnees happy that they had played well enough to see the pep talk again.

The tradition began in 2001, Ichiro’s first All-Star appearance, and the AL hasn’t lost a game since. Coincidence?

Oh, what I would give to hear it one year.

The exact words are not available. Players are too busy laughing to remember them. Ichiro wouldn’t dare repeat them in public. So here’s the best facsimile possible.

“Bleep … bleep bleep bleep … National League … bleep … bleep … bleeeeeeeeep … National – bleep bleep bleepbleepbleep!”

“If you’ve never seen it, it’s definitely something pretty funny,” Morneau said. “It’s hard to explain, the effect it has on everyone. It’s such a tense environment. Everyone’s a little nervous for the game, and then he comes out. He doesn’t say a whole lot the whole time he’s in there, and all of a sudden, the manager gets done with his speech, and he pops off.”

Miguel Tejada, who moved to the Astros and the NL this year, had high hopes for one of his All-Star teammates:

“I hope Fukudome does it this year,” Tejada said.

Kosuke Fukudome, the Cubs outfielder, will start in center field for the NL team. He is not fashion conscious, does not have a sycophantic following and does not start trends. He is, aside from sharing a left-handed swing and exemplary bat control, the anti-Ichiro.

“I have no plans for that,” Fukudome said.

Today in terrorists

Michelle Malkin has the round-up. I recommend reading it. One part funny, another part pathetic.

This is just funny

I like the conclusion to this short blog post, undearneath the picture.

Title IX is coming to college science departments

Read this to learn more. If you like what this application of Title IX did to athletic departments, you'll love this.

On the other hand, if you majored in one of the hard sciences or are concerned about watering them down, be very scared.

Peyton Manning had surgery

He's out 4-6 weeks. It will have no effect on the team, I say. They open against the beloved Bears on September 7 in their new stadium.

Prediction: Bears 57 Colts 13

OK, not really.

Comics: Hands off Obama!

The late-night talk-show hosts have apparently decided that Barack Obama cannot be made fun of in their monologues. The reasons are numerous (or so they say), including that the audience members don't like it and that a bunch of white (guilty liberal) people are uncomfortable making fun of him since he's black. I guess the Obamessiah is beyond criticism.

Then there is this:

Why? The reason cited by most of those involved in the shows is that a fundamental factor is so far missing in Obama: There is no comedic "take" on him, nothing easy to turn to for an easy laugh, like allegations of Bill Clinton's womanizing, or President George W. Bush's goofy bumbling or Al Gore's robotic persona.

"The thing is, he's not buffoonish in any way," said Mike Barry, who started writing political jokes for Johnny Carson's monologues in the waning days of the Johnson administration and has lambasted every presidential candidate since, most recently for Letterman. "He's not a comical figure," Barry said...

Jimmy Kimmel, the host of the ABC late-night talk show "Jimmy Kimmel Live," said of Obama, "There's a weird reverse racism going on. You can't joke about him because he's half-white. It's silly. I think it's more a problem because he's so polished, he doesn't seem to have any flaws."

What?

Oh dear, people have lost their minds about this guy. Here's some easy stuff that's non-political: he's inexperienced, and there is also the way his followers swoon over his every utterance. That's not too controversial, I would think, even to Obama supporters. I could come up with lots more that many people wouldn't agree with, but then I've never agreed with the cartoonish depiction of our current president, not that it ever stopped these guys from continuing that.

The worst part is this:

But Barry said, "I think some of us were maybe too quick to caricature Al Gore and John Kerry and there's maybe some reluctance to do the same thing to him."

Wow. I mean, wow. I can't believe he actually came out and said it. He gets honesty points, at least, for admitting that he doesn't want to doom his favored candidate. After all, he didn't mention how much these writers screwed over Bob Dole in 1996, did he?

Wisconsin is in a tizzy

We've all heard about how that selfish jerk Brett Favre (who would soon become local hero Brett Favre if he comes to the Bears) wants to come back and play after announcing his retirement. Packer fans are pretty worked up one way or the other about the whole thing.

Yesterday a bunch of them held a rally outside Lambeau Field in support of Favre. Yes, they are dorks who couldn't even stay home and watch CC Sabathia pitch for the Brewers. Instead, they tailgated at their protest:

The crowd of more than 100 chanted "We want Brett," and carried signs reading, "Favre for President" or "Favre Forever." Many in the parking lot wore No. 4 jerseys, tossed footballs and grilled.

I think they really just want to get away from their wives with an excuse to spend their summer Sundays drinking beer and eating sausage:

The rally in Green Bay, Wis., was the brainchild of brothers Adam and Erick Rolfson, who on Friday tried to think of a way to keep Favre in Green Bay. Another rally is planned for Monday night in suburban Milwaukee and every Sunday thereafter at Lambeau Field until Favre is back.

The enthusiasm gap

Stephen F. Hayes has written a Weekly Standard piece on the difference in support for the two presidential candidates. Here are some polling results:

There are risks to this strategy and the enthusiasm gap is chief among them. A Washington Post/ABC News poll last month found that nearly half of the liberals surveyed are enthusiastic about supporting Barack Obama, while only 13 percent of conservatives are enthusiastic about McCain. More generally, 91 percent of self-identified Obama supporters are "enthusiastic" about their candidate; 54 percent say they are "very enthusiastic." Seventy-three percent of such McCain supporters say they are "enthusiastic" about his candidacy, but only 17 percent say they are "very enthusiastic."

A USA Today/Gallup poll reported similar findings last week. That survey shows that while 67 percent of Barack Obama's supporters are "more excited than usual about voting" for their candidate, only 31 percent of John McCain's supporters can say the same thing. More troubling for the McCain campaign is that more than half of those who identified themselves as McCain backers--54 percent--say they are "less excited than usual" about their candidate.

Hayes then goes on to list some of the issues that McCain disagrees with conservatives. He doesn't really dig and get to the biggest one, though.

You know what's coming: immigration. It's not mentioned once. I presume that's because The Weekly Standard is basically for open borders. Hayes must have had to sift through a bunch of people to interview before be found a "typical voter" who didn't bring up the issue.

Yes, McCain believes in the global warming nonsense. He's also squishy on all kinds of other issues. That's annoying, but the reason I will not support him is his open-borders/amnesty stance. The thing is, Obama's no better on it, but for Obama it's just another issue. For McCain amnesty is more of a personal quest, and when he becomes president he will fight hard for it starting on day one. Obama will be more concerned with having the government take over our health care industy.

We can all enjoy the NCAA tournament again

Billy Packer is gone!

Top 10

"10 Best Things About Booze", that is, from Modern Drunkard Magazine:

Booze burnishes to a high gleam every quality you’re lucky enough to possess, and some you weren’t even aware you had claim to. It certainly makes you more generous—there isn’t a barista on earth that makes as much as a bartender. It elevates your sense of humor, surely—no one laughs at a bad joke like a drunk. It reveals you to be an expert dancer, deft conversationalist, brilliant philosopher, gifted singer and the most sensual of lovers. And good looking? You’re so damned handsome you’d have to beat the girls off with a stick if they weren’t so intimidated by your sheer, well, handsomeness. And tough—you’re so hard you could deck half the guys in the room with a single punch if they’d just stay still for a goddamn minute.

Alcohol lets you love yourself. And I say that’s a fine thing. Everyone should feel that way every now and then. Why must you go through life acting like an accountant or salesman or carpenter, just because that’s what you do for a living?

Why should only kings get to feel like kings?

Also, a defense of the hangover!

Also, what your drink says about you. Here's my new favorite drink:

Lime Rickey

You have no real love for the drink itself, but for reasons known only to yourself, you enjoy the suffering of limes.

Finally, I wish Iived in Denver to go to this.

Robert Redford is a dumbass

Sorry for the profanity, but it's true:

Asked by Michael Dwyer, film correspondent of The Irish Times , if he was looking forward to "regime change" in the US, Redford said: "Yes. Where my country is at the moment, I'm not confident of anything. I'm hopeful.

"I think Obama is not tall on experience . . . but I believe he's a really good person. He's smart. And he does represent what the country needs most now, which is change.

"I hope he'll win. I think he will. If he doesn't, you can kiss the Democratic Party goodbye. I think we need new voices, new blood. We need to get a whole group out, get a new group in."

Wait, what?

Parties do disappear, even in our system of winner-take-all elections (as opposed to the European parliamentary system). See the Whigs. They don't happen because of a single election loss of one person. They occur because of internal dissention over issues, or even a single issue. The Whig link above mentions how they collapsed, for example.

To pound the point home further, even if McCain beats Obama, the Democrats are still almost assured of majorities in both houses of Congress. Are they just going to become independents?

2008 NFL Salary Cap Numbers

Here is a complete list of the 2008 cap numbers for every NFL player. Enjoy!

The top few players make sense, but then you get to guys like the thoroughly decent Dewayne Robertson at number 9. And who would have guessed that the highest Bear would be Charles Tillman?

Hard power vs. soft power

Charles Krauthammer hits it on the head. The last sentence is the most important one:

Solemn condemnations have been issued from every forum of soft-power fecklessness -- the EU, the U.N., the G-8 foreign ministers -- demanding that Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe stop butchering his opponents and step down. Before that, the cause du jour was Burma, where a vicious dictatorship allowed thousands of cyclone victims to die by denying them independently delivered foreign aid lest it weaken the junta's grip on power.

And then there is Darfur, a perennial for which myriad diplomats and foreign policy experts have devoted uncountable hours at the finest five-star hotels to deplore the genocide and urgently urge relief.

What is done to free these people? Nothing. Everyone knows it will take the hardest of hard power to remove the oppressors in Zimbabwe, Burma, Sudan and other godforsaken places where the bad guys have the guns and use them. Indeed, as the Zimbabwean opposition leader suggested (before quickly retracting) from his hideout in the Dutch embassy -- Europe specializes in providing haven for those fleeing the evil that Europe does nothing about -- the only solution is foreign intervention.

And who's going to intervene? The only country that could is the country that in the last two decades led coalitions that liberated Kuwait, Bosnia, Kosovo and Afghanistan. Having sacrificed much blood and treasure in its latest endeavor -- the liberation of 25 million Iraqis from the most barbarous tyranny of all, and its replacement with what is beginning to emerge as the Arab world's first democracy -- and having earned near-universal condemnation for its pains, America has absolutely no appetite for such missions.

This is one area where, to his credit, John McCain far surpasses Barack Obama, who I fear would bring back a Carter-esque foreign policy of appeasement and dithering.

Britain is falling apart

This is what happens when leftism and political correctness runs amok in a country, as Jaime Sneider writes. Britain released a terrorist from prison and not only lets him walk the streets (he's technically under house arrest, but he's pictured walking around his neighborhood), but pays him $100,000 a year in welfare for his supposed bad back:

Al Qaeda foot-soldiers behead our soldiers while we pay their leaders disability. Qatada is living in a home worth $1.6 million. He's receiving government benefits totaling $100,000. This goes well beyond not deporting him. There really are no words.

South Carolina used to be so gay!

Not any more.

Strange crime of the day

This will make no sense, but here goes: Be on the lookout for an attractive woman named Patches who travels with three large black men and sprays perfume that makes men pass out.

She sort of sounds like a supervillain that Batman would fight.

Want some free Chick-fil-A?

No problem. Except it's today only, so you have to find one. Not easy in Chicago.

Also, you have to dress like a cow.

Everyone should have the DirecTV sports pack

After ESPN SportsCenter's "Who's Now?" fiasco last summer, I swore off the show. It had become bloated with commentary and slim of actual highlights, along with spending too much time on crap that no one cares about (Olympics, NASCAR, WNBA, NHL, etc.). Then there are all of the human interest stories, interviews, and various Salisbury-laced analysis segments. All I want are highlights of the prior night and straight news of trades, you fools! Do you think I give two poops about John Kruk thinks about a free-agent signing? I know more about baseball transaction analysis than he does.

All of that isn't even getting into how self-congratulatory the show had become. The anchors were all about themselves and the network. And the show is 1 hour long, 1.5 hours on Sunday night/Monday morning. That's just not necessary, and it leads to much of the bloat.

Anyway, I quickly found ESPN News as a nice alternative last summer. It is kind of SportsCenter light since they only have a half-hour to work with. As a result, they just don't have time to unload most of the useless stuff on us. It still has its flaws (such as spending too much time on sports no one cares about and analysis), but it is good enough. Plus, I can wrap it up in half an hour without missing anything.

The flaw in the channel is that they still have too much of the junk in the show, so there are whole baseball games (keep in mind there is NOTHING ELSE GOING ON right now) they completely ignore. Since the White Sox aren't exactly a media darling, they often are in those games. I can only imagine being a Royals fan...

I guess ESPN management has gotten pissed about people bailing on SportsCenter (the network's flagship show, mind you) in the morning to watch ESPN News, because they have started showing a live video broadcast of their ESPN Radio show Mike and Mike.

Setting aside the merits of the show, which I have never heard, why would they possibly do a video broadcast of it? Everyone in the country gets it on the radio, and people are free to listen to it at home. Anyone can do so with an old AM radio stolen from one's grandparents' house. My only guess (as I wrote above) is that the ratings differential between SportsCenter and ESPN News in the morning has become embarrassing. (I have not seen any ratings, so it's just conjecture.)

What was I to do? Watching 2 minutes of SportsCenter reminded me why I hated it. We do have Comcast Sports Channel here, but since they have no national affiliation the sports highlight show is all Chicago stuff. Jeez, I don't need 15 minutes of highlights, interviews, and analysis of a Sox game I watched half of the night before. So that was out. A solution appeared before me...

Last spring I purchased the sports pack on DirecTV, which gives access to all of the regional sports channels (blacking out games on the MLB, NBA, and NHL packages, of course). I always thought most of the channels were useless other than having ESPNU for college basketball and Fox Soccer Channel for EPL games.

Given my dilemma a few weeks ago, I hoped that the array of local Fox Sports Channels had a national highlight show. And it did! It's called The Final Score. Here are my favorite things about it:

It's only a half hour long.

They show highlights to every game.

There is NO analysis by so-called "experts".

Interviews clips are brief.

There is a crawler on screen showing what the next few topics are.

There are TWO score crawlers at the bottom. One is just scores (and it moves fast) and the other has some news mixed in, like Bobby Jenks going on the DL yesterday.

There is only one anchor, at a time, so there is no stupid banter between them.

They only show things that a regular sports fan cares about. NASCAR, golf, tennis, Olympics, and whatnot are all brief. They know the reason for their existence is to show highlights of games we care about.

Here are the downsides:

I am nitpicking here, but I could do without the highlight of the day at the end of the show, or whatever it's called. But that only takes about 10 seconds, so it's no big deal.

That's it. No other negatives!

Best of all, they actually showed a WNBA highlight today, and the anchor was making fun of it! First, it was the last highlight of the show (which is good because NO ONE CARES). Second, he starts off with saying, "How about a WNBA highlight?" is a fake serious voice. Third, he said something about the game and followed it with, "in front of dozens!" with the camera showing a sea of empty seats behind the court.

(Now, as a digression, this is fantastic. The mainstream sports media is as liberal as any other aspect of the media. [A cursory viewing of SportsCenter would make this clear to anyone.] They are deathly afraid of making fun of the WNBA, even though it is clearly deserving of ridicule. No one attends the games, the ratings are horrible, and the action sucks. Example #1: Check out how newspaper articles/columns will rip MLS or NHL TV ratings, without ever mentioning that the WNBA does even worse. Example #2: Remember the XFL? The MSM hates Vince McMahon, so they loved hammering him and the league for any failing of it, be it ratings, level of play, etc. Some of that was brought on by Vince himself, but how come the WNBA never faces that kind of scrutiny? Why does the media never make fun of David Stern for standing behind it so ferociously?)

Clearly, this show is for regular sports fans. They aren't out to win any reporting awards for their lame-ass stories about blind cyclists or whatever, and they certainly aren't full of political-correctness.

I highly recommend this show to every sports fan tired of the ESPN culture. If you can, order the sports pack. If you don't have DirecTV, I am sorry. No joke.

(Here's an article mentioning everything above! It's too bad we are stuck here in Chicago without FSN, though it may be on cable.)

UPDATE: I see that Comcast Chicago does show it, but only the live version at 12:30 AM. Since I need it in the morning, I always use MSG+, which is channel 624 on DirecTV.