Rant time

Most people think I'm kind of a mild-mannered guy who doesn't get worked up about anything. Well, folks, prepare yourself for a rant that's been building in me. There is going to be some foul language, so be warned.

Auditors are fucking idiots. There, I said it. IDIOTS. What do you need to do that? An accounting degree right? You know who gets accounting degrees? Business majors with ZERO personality. What cranks me off about it is that the lay person thinks accountants are good at math. That is so fabulously untrue I almost cry whenever I see it. If they were good at math they would have been, you know, MATH majors. A corollary is when people think accountants and actuaries are similar. NO. NO. NO. Accountants make sure the numbers add up in a column. Actuaries have to actually think about the numbers to make sure they make sense (ignoring for a moment the fact that actuaries also use math functions more complicated than addition and subtraction).

I first learned this fact when I worked at the credit insurance company. Every month, I had to send some premium, claim, and other information to the internal accountant so he could put together his reports. Every once in a while, I would send numbers with a mistake. I was new, so I didn't really know how to analyze the numbers terribly well, and I had to send lots of them. Still, this dope wasn't smart enough to figure out when he used them that these obviously wrong numbers didn't belong. He would just go ahead and dump them into his spreadsheet. "A negative number? Who cares? The numbers add up! Also, I have to go to my Special Olympics training now!"

Different, but similar, situation now. This dumbshit auditor keeps asking for all kinds of information that no auditor has ever asked for before (and I've been doing this for 9 years). It's the most mundane shit that, if she had any clue how pension plans and their administration worked, she wouldn't ask. I mean, at this point it's just embarrassing. I would feel sorry for her if she wasn't such a stupid-ass who keeps annoying me with these silly requests. I blame Sarbanes-Oxley. Yeah, it makes PwC and other accounting firms rich as hell, but it gave auditors too much power. As a result, morons like this who have no idea what they are doing hold everyone who works on the plan over a barrel while the poor plan sponsor has to pay out the ass to the audit firm AND us. I would name the firm this dullard works for, but I don't think it's terribly big. I mean, it's nice they hire the "mentally challenged" and all, but I have real work to do!

You know how every once in a while you run into people who are just really stupid? You kind of wonder, "How does that person get through life? What does he do for a living?" I will forever now assume the answer is auditor.

If you are an auditor and you read this, it's time you heard the truth. The rest of us hate the work you do, as you are a nuisance and drag on the economy and all who actually produce things. Auditors are even starting to reach the level of lawyers in my mind.